Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Yes, Indeed

Dear Friends,

Why do you look for the living among the dead?




Just kidding! I don't have a messiah complex.




But I do have a new website.




Check it out.




Later!




http://www.stanmanx.com




(I'll be checking comments here for a while, though, so let me know if you have viewing/commenting issues)

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Get Smart, the movie

Don't leave! Also, don't punch me in the nose! Movies are fine, really!

I recently saw Get Smart, and while I don't have the patience to write a real review, I will say that it's awesome (also, frikkin sweet). However, the point of this blog isn't so much to talk about how great it was, but to analyze one of the things that worked, which can be applied to fiction writing in general.

I'm referring to the character of Maxwell Smart. He underscores the failure of all other writers to produce a believable highly-trained-yet-inept main character. Think of any movie starring a cop/spy/CEO/coach who is incapable of doing his job, but due to a series of coincidences and a whole lotta heart, he is able to save the day and get the girl. These movies are typically comedies, and we typically forgive the writers for this because we don't know any better.

The key to Max's success as a character is that he is not inept. Far from it! He's meticulous, fluent in Russian, a good shot, a quick thinker, and generally has good people skills. Additionally, he is accident prone, a little too detail-oriented at times, and sometimes says or does the wrong thing, but for reasons that make sense on some level.

In other words, he's a pretty well-rounded character whose more hilarious aspects are played up for the sake of comedy. The laughter comes from thinking, "This guy is highly trained! How can he do that?", rather than the typical, "Wow, that guy is not even qualified for the insane levels of responsibility he has! He would never even be in that position in the real world!"

See the difference? In Max's case, the audience believes his character earned his position, and the tension comes from seeing character flaws in action. In other comedies in this vein, the source of tension is the audience's disbelief that "that idiot" ever got to "where he's at." Overall, I think Maxwell Smart is more successful.

But hey, that's just me...

Monday, June 23, 2008

A mess of descriptions

The desk itself was wobbly, which enhanced the aura of disarray. It wasn't just the half-empty box of allergy meds or the assorted papers that had piled up over the course of weeks. The pens were sticking out at different angles, and some were in upside-down. He had two pairs of glasses -- the one that gave him headaches, and the one that took them away -- one of which was balanced precariously on the edge of the desk.


----

Speaking of headaches, I've got a killer one.

Friday, June 20, 2008

9 minutes

I need to say something, and I have to say it fast. There isn't much time! I've just discovered that I drive through some kind of wormhole or cross-dimensional transit whatsit during my commute to work, and the recent rainstorms and power outages have caused it shift slightly -- it only spans the southbound half of the road! This is a problem! What if I'm already home when I get home? Where the hell am I supposed to park? But I can't very well drive north in the southbound lane during rush hour, because that could very well be fatal, and if I die in this universe, who is going to tell my wife?

Four minutes! This communique will be disrupted and possibly disappear from existence so you need to act now! For only twelve payments of fourteen ninety five you can get me the hell out of here! I'm stuck in a world where



which is why I think a few minutes a day is better, in the long run, than several hours once a week. Well, looks like lunch is over. Take care!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

no visuals

My great grandparents lived in a mobile home park off some busy highway or another. There was a small playground across from their house -- I remember there was a slide and some swings, and maybe one of those things that you spin around on until the earth rotates in reverse. A short walk in the opposite direction led to a pool. If I sit still and close my eyes, I can feel the water caress my face, taste the chlorine on my hands as I give in to the nailbiting urge, already deeply rooted in my six year old psyche. When I climb out, the cement is both rough and slippery beneath my feet, and if I move too quickly, someone cautions me not to run. It's hard -- I really want to jump back in.

I can't remember the layout of the pool.

Traffic roared like a home game arena. It wasn't noticeable from the pool, but we could see the cars from the playground. The smell of baking blacktop was ever-present in the summer, like the noise of the traffic. It was comforting. It was a part of who my great grandparents were.

At some point they moved out of the park and into a house with my aunt. I was getting older, starting to see them less. My aunt got married and moved away; my great grandparents moved into an assisted living facility. I occasionally joined my mom when she went to see them, but even at sixteen it's hard to understand the impermanence of life. They died while I was studying music in Memphis. It was very difficult to hurt, which left me feeling guilty. The people I got most excited to see as a child were gone, and I couldn't even cry at the news.

I work in an office on some busy highway or another. As I step outside to walk to my car, the smell of baking blacktop and the roar of traffic hit me. I stop and close my eyes; fragments of memories swirl around me, whispering, laughing. A lump forms in my throat and I run to my car and nearly drop my keys as I'm getting in. I scroll through the list of contacts I never call until I reach my wife's name. She picks up; my breathing evens out. I let her know I'm on my way.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Awesome

I made a couple tweaks around this here blog. The most obvious one is the totally flippin sweet banner, courtesy of my frikkin awesome wife. Seriously. She rocks.

The other one is that I changed the bullet image. Flowers? No thanks. It's now a circle, also courtesy of my wife because I am that lazy.
  • check
  • it
  • out
I'm pretty pleased. I always liked the colors of this theme, but it came with too many frills and laces for my liking. Now I like it much more.

I also put in some writing time last night. Not too much, but enough to get the proverbial ball rolling. That's always exciting. Normally when I'm working on a story, I just start writing and see what happens, then go back and rewrite it several times. That process kind of blows with longer works because starting from scratch leads to trashing everything and making something completely different. For this one, I decided to try starting with a plot outline to see if a clear sense of direction helps keep me focused. I think part of the reason my longer stuff tends to fall to pieces is because I reach a point where I don't know what to do, and therefore do nothing. Not the best approach. Maybe this approach will help. Maybe not. We'll see.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Variations on "The Blank Page"

Anyone who has ever attempted to maintain a regular writing schedule has written and expounded on the following sentence:
I'm sitting at my desk, staring at the blank computer screen, wishing I could think of something to write.
It's a good standby because it inevitably leads to something, even if that something is just "more writing." I've seen introspective pieces about writer's block, fantastic alien abduction stories, and bizarre stream-of-consciousness....experiments. Complaining about being unable to write can lead to wonderful places.

Unfortunately, complaining about not having time to write just leads to procrastination. Maybe. I guess my complaining has all been verbal, rather than written, which is undoubtedly the problem. Here are some interesting facts about my activities in the last month or so:
  • Close to 100 hours of Pokemon
  • Probably 20 hours of Lego Star Wars
  • Watching assorted movies and TV shows on an almost nightly basis
  • Complaining about how I never write, never exercise, and never read (for recreation or for learning)
Yeah, I really don't have time to write. I just have time to screw around and let my dreams die. It requires a whole lot less effort, anyway.

My main problem, really, is that I don't make the effort at home. Instead, I try to write while I'm at work (like I am now, actually). I start a new post and stare at the empty text field. Then someone says something funny, and I get distracted. Then I eat food. Then I work and try to cram thoughts in while queries are running. It's not the right environment. So I sit here, not knowing what to write, with an empty text field in front of me, cursor blinking like a silent metronome of judgment.... and so on. And look where it has led! There are words.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Writing for Marketing

I wrote marketing copy at my company for a while. It was kind of off and on, and they recently hired someone else who is going to be taking over (thankfully). A more scholarly person would draw comparisons between writing fiction and writing to sell stuff, but all I have to say is that in both cases you are making stuff up.

The experience was kind of eye-opening for me. At first I was excited about learning a new technique, and how to think from a different perspective. But it got old. Especially when I was writing glowing praises for a piece of software that is as bugged as the Nixon-era White House. Most especially when I learned that a customer had already been using said software for over a year.

The boss man is a smart guy. He knows stuff. He also has a tendency to assume his employees know nothing, so meetings with him last forever. In those meetings, he spent a lot of time talking about how placing restraints on the creative process allows for more potent creativity from the writer -- something I have long believed, on account of everything I've read and written. But he also wanted to come up with a Detailed Marketing Copy Writing and Editing Super Good Stuff Process so that a person with no knowledge of our software could write the same calibur marketing documents that I could (note: I'm involved in design and testing, so I know our software pretty well). This is where I start to smell something funny.

I'm going to assume that anyone reading this is somewhat familiar with the hero's journey. I think it's a wonderful outline for an epic tale. However, I think it takes more than just that outline to craft a good story. A writer needs to approach the hero's journey with unique characters, different settings, and an assortment of devices to set it apart from every other hero's journey. So why not create a more specific hero's journey template? It could include all of the stock characters you need, all of the locations, and even the conversations that need to happen. Excellent! What happens after someone writes that story? Do we just keep writing the same one over and over, and just change the names?

That was pretty much what my experience with marketing copy was, only I spent far, far more time creating outlines and templates for writing pieces than I did actually writing them. It was ridiculous.

And the boss actually made a comment at one point about how marketing writing was useful, unlike fiction or something you write "for yourself." Sure thing. Deception in the name of filling someone else's pockets. I'm not sure how that's useful, since people will be pretty pissed off when our programs crash and halt their productivity.

Monday, June 09, 2008

For the sake of accountability

OpenOffice tells me I just put 688 words toward a new story. It's one that I have many pages of ideas on, but no actual story. Well, now it's 688 words of story. I'm pumped. It's so worth being frickin exhausted at work all day tomorrow.

But that's a boring entry, so I'll leave a little something called "Things I Would Say versus Things I Wish I Had the Stones to Say."

The Line: "Well, it's not that we don't want to let you work from home regularly to reduce your gas expenses, it's just that we need to think about the kind of precedent it will set with other employees and how to address it before we can move forward."
What I Would/Did Say: "I understand. There has to be a real reason for it, otherwise people might get upset and bitter."
What I Wish I Had the Stones to Say: "Your existing precedent is that you don't care about any of your employees until they try to quit, at which point you realize the company is doomed without them and agree to let them work from home. So, yeah, you need to figure out how to spin that so people don't mistakenly believe you have their best interests in mind."

Sorry there isn't really a punchline in there. People do this sort of thing all the time (obviously myself included), and it's interesting to see how two completely different characters can exist as pieces of the same mind. I guess I look at it as a lesson that creating unique voices isn't as difficult as it can seem at the outset, because sometimes all it takes is a different degree of restraint to make the leap from polite guy to mister road rage.

Friday, June 06, 2008

diurnal nocturnal

He sat on the edge of the ruined high rise and looked over the tangle of trees and assorted flora that twisted through the city.

Just gotta make dawn. The pale glow on the horizon made his head spin. He planted his hands on the edge of the building and took a breath.

"You look like hell." His dead brother appeared next to him.

"It's the curse."

"I think it's the number of days you've gone without sleep."

"I'll sleep at dawn."

"You really should get some rest." It was his mother now, who, as far as he knew, was still living out west.

"At dawn." He forced his chin up and his eyes wide (once more alone). The cool air briefly soothed the itching.

He'd become aware of the curse on his third day without sleep. Something overtime behind schedule a pressing project at work it was a long time ago how's she doing He had been working on something and forgot to sleep. When his boss came to tell him to take a day off and get some sleep, a tiny worm had jumped in his ear and taken control of his brain. A coworker passed by a moment later and two worms leapt from the bossworm into the other guy's brain.

He fled. But he knew the worm was inside his head saying sleep rest one moment close your eyes just relax SHUT UP He didn't want to risk letting the wiggly bastard gain control so he resolved to stay awake until

"Why dawn?" Deadbrother again.

"The curse will die."

"How can a curse die?"

"It's a..." he wiggled his index finger "thing."

"Worm?"

"Yeah."

Deadbrother shrugged. "You plan on fixing up the city or something?"

"Huh?"

"Look at this place, all overgrown. You got a plan?"

"Find survivors, I guess."

"You're not worried about getting another" Deadbrother drew circles around his ear with his finger "thing?"

He was silent for a moment. "I bet I'm immune now."

"Let's hope."

He watched the vines wind their way among the trees and up the buildings. This would be a hard fight long fight tough fight since the living would likely be cursed.

The sun peered over the edge of the world, growing taller and wider under his gaze. Come on come one come on

When it was halfway up, it stopped. After a moment, it began to sink, taking it's warmth and light and hope with it. "What the hell!" The sky grew dark again.

He jumped to his feet and shook his fist. "Get your ass out here, you bastard!"

Slowly, deliberately, a glowing middle finger rose above the horizon.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Policy and Process

Effective immediately, all blog posts are subject to the new Blog Entry Efficiency Protocol. All employees are required to submit a mind dump of the elements of a successful blog entry, which will be revised until it has reached the point of maximum effectiveness. This is to ensure that all blog entries are held to the same standard and never need to be revised or rewritten in the future. This part of the process will require several hundred hours up front, but will save thousands of hours in perpetuity.

Once the necessary elements of a blog have been identified, our copywriter will begin drafting a template in MS Word which all blog posts will adhere to. This template will be passed around to all bloggers, as well as several non-bloggers, to get a varied and myopic perspective which will result in a theoretically sound blog format. This will make it possible for anyone, including people who have absolutely no knowledge of what our company is about, to write effective and communicative blog entries in a minimal amount of time and with little effort.

Each employee will be required to generate and respond to 20-40 base questions that deal with the essence of blogging, the blog template, and the ways in which the blog template will improve our overall blogging experience. After this, final adjustments will be made to the template and the productive part of the blogging process can begin.

A pre-entry entry will be required before composing a standard entry. This pre-entry is to be written in MS Word and will act as a mind dump and will serve to describe the purpose of the individual blog entry. The idea is that this pre-entry will enable the writer to to lay the groundwork for a solid blog entry. The official blog entry is also to be done in MS Word and emailed to two or three colleagues for final review before it can be posted online.

If you have any questions, please speak with someone in human resources.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Let's Try This Again

This is me identifying a problem and attempting a solution.

Today a buddy of mine found out I have a blog. I mentioned that I don't write in it very often, and he said, "Aren't you a writer?"

While blogging isn't my primary interest when it comes to writing, it has proven to be a good exercise for me, so I've been thinking about why I don't write a little something every day. I came to two conclusions:
1. Having two blogs provides me with too wide of a focus, causing me to be perpetually overwhelmed by the number of things I could possibly write about, rendering me motionless
2. This particular blog, while I've been doing more and more with it, still has too narrow of a focus

Well, the first step is obvious - axe the other blog. I figure I'll use it when I need to be juvenile, or perhaps just wait until I have a purpose in mind for another blog. Anyone who read it will notice that it's now private. I know this is a sad day, but I promise you'll get over it.

Next, I had to identify what the problem was with this blog. It really wasn't that hard. When I first started it, I was basically just trying to reinterpret the concepts we were talking about in my advanced fiction class. The idea was that if I could explain them to someone else, then I had a pretty good handle on them. A couple of things have happened since then:
1. I graduated from college.
2. I started working full-time at my company, which involved a transition from programming to technical writing and marketing copy. The boss-man is obsessed with base questions, procedure writeups, and excessive amounts of useless writing, and is also constantly saying, "The best way to learn something is to prepare to teach it," with this look on his face that says, "I know for a fact that this thought has never occurred to you." I leave it to you, dear reader, to imagine how that might affect my attitude toward this blog.

This blog no longer serves the purpose it was designed for, so I've been sort of floating in limbo, throwing things up as they "felt right", and not really knowing what the hell was going on here. No more! (That phrase needs to trigger an image of a dirty peasant standing on a soapbox, surrounded by dirtier peasants, giving a huge pep talk about how they're going to ambush the local lord's guard as they escort him to his summer beach house, where he plans to carry on with the duke's wife if you know what I mean, and throw off their shackles and long-stick-things-they-use-to-carry-two-buckets-of-water and make a new life for themselves). No more! This blog is not going to be a place where I yammer about disciplined writing and theory anymore. From now on, it's a place where I live the disciplined approach to writing. I'm going to start posting. I'm going to screw with my schedule and figure out how I can post every day. It might not be good writing. It might not even reach mediocrity. But damn it I am going to practice Howard Taylor's BIC HOK technique if it kills me. Why? Because bitching about how much I hate my job doesn't bring me any closer to publication. Actually writing does.

I know, it sounds far-fetched, but I think I'm on to something.