Choosing the Right Words

In a work of fiction, every word matters. I mean this in a very literal sense - every single noun, verb, adjective, and preposition makes a difference in the way the story is understood. "Hate" and "loathe" may be considered synonyms, but when only one of those words carries the idea of "disgust" with it, it is important that you choose the one that best fits your situation.

"Oh come on, Stan," you say, "the reader doesn't care! You're just being nitpicky." Both of those statements may well be true, but that doesn't excuse the writer from practicing precision. Imagine a violinist in an orchestra saying, "Well, I'm not in tune, but no one will notice." There is no way that would fly - even tone deaf people would consider that attitude highly unprofessional because it aims for something less than perfection. The same is true for writers. If you're shooting for "good enough," you aren't giving your work the proper attention and ultimately failing your readers.

Okay, so we've got the gloomy stuff out of the way...now what? Well, the first step, as with everything else, is "Write the damn story." Step three is going to be "Repeat step two." Step two is going to be tedious.

Start reading your work, one sentence at a time. Look at each sentence one word at a time and ask yourself two questions: 1) Is this word necessary? and 2) Is this the right word?

For the first question, you're looking at word economy. Even if you prefer a more verbose style, you still need to consider whether you need the words you choose. Take a look at the following paragraph:

The house was empty when William returned home. "Damn, where is everyone?" he muttered irritatedly to himself. He dropped the family's mail in a pile on the counter. They can sort their own mail, he thought to himself. He kicked off his shoes into the closet, then went in his room and collapsed on his bed.

That gets the job done, sure, but it needs to be thinned out. We can get rid of "home" in the first sentence because the verb "returned" implies that he lives in "the house." In the second sentence, chop "irritatedly" because William says "damn" and mutters, axe "to himself" because, well, there is no one around for him to mutter to. The third sentence can do without "family's" because a family is implied by the next sentence; "in a pile" because, again, the rest of the sentence implies what we're cutting. Italics are typically used to represent thoughts, so that can stand alone (and again, "to himself" can go because he really can't think to someone else). Finally, the last sentence can lose "off" and "in his room"; the former becomes unnecessary and the latter is implied. The result:

The house was empty when William returned. "Damn, where is everyone?" he muttered. He dropped the mail on the counter. They can sort their own mail. He kicked his shoes into the closed, then went and collapsed on his bed.

Much better! I think you get the idea, so let's move on to choosing the right words. This time, I will present you with two slightly different passages:

Allison was about to switch off her lane when yet another customer began unloading merchandise on the conveyor belt. "Find everything you were looking for?" she asked, running the items over the scanner and placing them in a bag.
The man mumbled an affirmation, watching the prices blink on the display. "Hang on, those shirts are on sale. Get it right."

And:

Allison was about to switch off her lane when yet another asshole started unloading merch on the belt. "Find everything?" she started scanning and bagging.
The man grunted, eyeing the prices on the display. "Hey, those shirts are on sale. Get it right, bitch."

The same action occurs in each passage, but they have distinctly different feels to them. This is the sort of thing a writer needs to pay attention to. Don't shrug anything off as "close enough," or you will reach a point where the story doesn't come across the way it was intended.

Challenge: Write a few sentences, then grab a thesaurus (or visit thesaurus.com) and start playing with synonyms to see how they change what you've written.